I’ve been off on maternity leave, and realise it has been months since I wrote in my blog. My mind is still going and working out artworks, but I just never have the time to write. I now have a wee boy, born on the 21st of July who is quite a challenging but delightful little character. I’m aching to get back to making artworks and continuing with my phd, but want to do the best by my baby.

I never thought I would be saying this, but doing a phd is by far easier than having a baby and then looking after him. In fact even the birth (which was actually 22 hrs of rather painful labour) was easy in comparison to the 4 months of no more than 3 hrs a night sleep that I am currently having to survive on.

I have been doing bits and bobs on the TOTeM project, and will go back on that in January, while work on my phd will go back to normal sometime between Feb and May. I’d love it to be sooner, but my wee baby didn’t get off to a good start feeding wise, and we are still doing lots of catching up, so I am taking time out to ensure that when I do go back to my phd I can give it my all without having half my mind worrying about other things.
 

Futuresonic is happening in Manchester from the 13th – 17th of May and I am very tempted to go… except that I am so heartily sick of travelling now, and with a would so dearly love to stay put. But there is so much good stuff on there. Of particular interest is artist Yuri Suzuki whose Graffitti Radio artwork utilising 2D barcodes will be featured.

The blurb for the futuresonic website states: “A music project played by scanning 2D barcode graffiti across the city. The artist sprays a QR code (two-dimensional bar-code) in the street with a stencil. People who find the graffiti around the city take a snapshot of the code with a mobile phone. This then triggers music - in the form of an internet radio stream created by the artist - on the internet enabled phones.”

The promo photo looks like a QR-code, but the link on the page is to yet another type of tag: okotag. The okotag website is pretty thin on information, and I am yet to see why this is better than any of the many other readers out there. Graffitti Radio looks like an interesting project and it would be great to see it in action which will be citywide around Manchester, from the 13th- 16th of May. Suzuki is also speaking at the Futuresonic conference in the afternoon of the 14th of May on the “Distant Encounters in the Social Space” panel at 4 – 4:40pm in Space 2 of the Contact Theatre, Manchester.

Finally I am back from my travels across the globe, and I am rather glad because it means I can actually knuckle down and do some work. It has been rather hard to do so when one is on the road and has so many people to see along the way.

Since I’ve been away things have progressed a little further with the EPSRC Digital Economy Sandpit project, called TOTeM,  that we have been working on. We now have a website, though the content still needs a bit of fleshing out, it does at least give you an idea of what TOTeM is about. If you are looking for a research job or phd studentship, and are interested in "The Internet of Things" we will be posting full job descriptions up soon, so bookmark the site.

While we are getting the TOTeM project underway, I now have a couple of months to devote time to getting on and making artworks. Already though, with a baby on the way I am wishing there was a way for midwives appointments and antenatal classes to be contained on an USB flash drive and just uploaded to or from my brain as needed, so I can get as much as possible done before the wee bundle of joy arrives.

I’ve managed to get in another gallery visit in Sydney in between all the other running around I have been doing. This time to the Museum of Contemporary Art (MCA) – I really enjoyed the drawing exhibition I Walk the Line, New Australian Drawing  that is currently on until the 24th of May. It reminded me yet again the value of drawing and how I don’t do nearly enough of it. I think one of the reasons I don’t is because it always seems like “play” and from quite a young age I was always being told that I should be “doing something productive” and as an adult there are always other things that I should be doing which seem more productive. In all honesty I fully admit this thinking is probably very flawed, particularly for an artist. Every time I start a project I have to sketch and draw out ideas… so drawing is a very productive process and I just have to be more disciplined.

I also think another reason I don’t draw as much as I should is because I am a perfectionist and unless my drawings are brilliant first time round I am left with such a sense of dissatisfaction I am loathe to repeat the process. I know this is silly – we all have good days and bad days and I should just get over it.

Two artists whose work I really admired in the MCA exhibition were Maria Kontis and Cassandra Laing. I’ve seen Maria Kontis’s works before down in Melbourne and her attention to detail and subtle observations just strike a chord with me. She draws photographs and letters which look like they are being viewed through a lens with very shallow depth of field, so her work very much appeals to the photographer in me, whilst also satisfying the need for tactility within artworks which I think is so important.

Cassandra Laing’s work is a first glance so simple, yet the care and observation taken to produce the works is stunning. Her black and white graphite drawings have a photorealistic quality about them, yet the joy of drawing hasn’t been removed. "It will all end in stars" by Cassandra LaingLaing was born in 1968, 5 years before me, and she died last year. It seems just such a great loss to the art world that someone as talented as her had such a fleeting career. I found a review by The Age of her work, just before she died and reading it now, reminds me how precious each moment is, and how I really should make much better use of my time than I do.

I’m in Sydney now, and its good to be “home”. Yesterday we went to the Australian Centre for Photography which, for a number of years was a place that I almost lived at. In the early 1990’s I had worked there as a vounteer setting up a database of all their ephemera – books, exhibition catalogues, prints, albums etc. Then later I was the administrator for dLux media arts (an Australian arts org providing advocacy for screen based art) and for a while we were based just around the corner, above the Chauvel Cinema and often collaborated with the ACP for screenings and events. Even later still, in 1998, I did a short digital arts residency at the ACP, so there was a time when I knew the place inside out.

Going back there now, I’m surprised by how it has changed. The café that used to be at the front has been changed into a gallery, and although I do like the café culture, I think the extra gallery is a good thing. It means that they have much more room and can show a larger variety of work. The gallery to the back and the smaller room off that are pretty much as I remember them – overall very good space.

Sandy Nicholson from the exhibition "2nd Place" - the accompanying quote was something like " We're thinking of quitting the team".The exhibitions Hyper by Denis Darzacq and 2nd Place by Sandy Nicholson were excellent! Hyper is a series of street dancers shot in a supermarket in France in the most intriguing postions. The colours are bright and the images very entertaining. The highlight for me though, was 2nd Place which was a series of portraits of quotes of people who came 2nd in local and regional competitions in Canada, the US and Australia.

The images are from a wide range of events from burger eating to agricultural events and iron woman contests. The combination of quotes with even images, plus the formal portraits works really well and gives such an insight into what people hold important. To me this has a bit more depth than just “straight photography” because we get to see a bit of what someone is thinking. My favourite one was the image of a cow where the farmer who had come second claimed that “ Empress has a beautiful udder” – goodness, how on earth does one rate beauty in cow’s udders? This has never ever ever occurred to me! It just reminds me of how differently we each perceive the world. Provoking thought and contemplation like this, are to me, important aspects of creating works of art.

Back in December I wrote about a taking part in the EPSRC Digital Economy Ideas Factory Sandpit “Design for the People by the People”. Although we preliminarily were told that our project was going to be funded we still had to go through 2 more rounds to secure the funding. Given the “economic downturn” and all the financial doom and gloom out there, we have been on tenterhooks since January, fearful that the funding may get yanked. We also had to up our budget, due to changes in FEC (Full Economic Costings) which could also jeopardise our application, given there was only a certain amount of money being allocated.

Last week we got back the news that we have been awarded a total of £1.39 million for our three year project!!!! We were ecstatic, particularly given that not all the projects from the sandpit that the EPSRC had given the preliminary go-ahead were actually funded!!!!

Over the past few months we have been beavering away working on the applications and submitting them. It has been a difficult process particularly for me because I do not have a full staff contract and because one of the university VP’s is somewhat belligerence and short sighted, I can not be credited as a co-investigator on the grant paperwork, even though that is essentially what I am, due to my status as a PhD student. It is all very frustrating, when I have put in as much work on the grant application as the others. Not all of them have phd’s and my experience is just as valuable as theirs, which thankfully they recognise and as a team have been fantastically loyal and very supportive of me in this admin nightmare. So I am down on the funding application as a named RA on the project, which is at least something, but unless I point it out and make a song and dance about it, on paper, no one can see that my contribution and role is equivalent to the other core team co-investigators.

This is totally a UoD issue, and I am not the only art practice based PhD there in this position, another researcher has also gone thorugh exactly the same horrors with a funding bid which he has been working on – really the “rules” should be more flexible in art to allow for the fact that many people doing art and design PhD’s at the moment are quite often not fresh out of undergrad studies and in some cases have more experience in their field in industry etc than the staff supervising them! Doing an art practice based PhD is very different from a science one: a good metaphor, (though the scientists may not like it), would be that Art is like wine and cheese which both need time to mature, where as Science may be more akin to meat where the older it is the tougher it gets. You just can’t apply the same rules to both!

Anyway enough about that, this is supposed to be a happy positive post about the fact that we got the money!!!!! (not mismanagement of UoD). I will be working with a great group of people who do recognise my worth and are very supportive so I am really looking forward to starting the project.

Originally we were going to start on the 1st of May, but due to the long time the EPSRC took in finalising the money, they offered us the option of changing the start date, so we have opted for the 1st of July. At this point I shall be a 0.5 RA on the project and drop my phd status from full time to part time, though I am hoping to finish in pretty much the same amount of time as the project is strongly related to my phd studies anyway.

The 1st of July start date works well in that I shall have more time before the project starts to work on artworks for my phd, but then the baby is due on the 21st of July, so this shall make things, to say the least… interesting…. Yes, there is lots of thinking and weighing up options and planning to be done!

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am travelling to Mexico and Australia (and also a few days here and there in San Diego and Singapore) to see family. One thing I haven’t yet mentioned is that I am also pregnant – now about 6 months. So here I am doing a phd, travelling round the world, juggling a lecturing job and attending to the joys of pregnancy.

I am determined to continue with my phd – wild horses couldn’t stop me. I truly love doing research and making my art, but I do realise somehow I have to take time out to have a baby. I am also happy to be pregnant and have always said that I won’t put my life on hold for a phd, but nor will I put the phd on hold for life… so somehow I shall do both!

It does mean that I shall be presenting at ISEA a month after the baby is due, and both my (original) supervisors have had babies so it has been good talking with them about it all. I am lucky in that everyone I have encountered at the University of Dundee has been very supportive and understanding, knowing how much I love what I do. I am so thankful not to have encountered sexist remarks about pregnancy brain (which I do not believe in) or any other ridiculous comments about the intellectual/ professional capabilities of pregnant women and mothers.

My supervisors did warn me though that presenting at ISEA so closely after the baby is born may have drawbacks. At the moment my pregnancy is low risk, but if for example I have to have a c-section then I am not allowed to drive etc for 6 weeks, which would put a spanner in the works. The original plan was to drive from Dundee to Belfast with baby and partner in tow, with him looking after the wee one while I am at the conference, but I guess I need to prepare myself for all eventualities. Of course I am going to think positively that everything goes fine, but one never knows with things like childbirth. Also both my supervisors have said that the whole feeding and getting no sleep thing really kicks in about a month after the birth and one is totally knackered.

I am not ready yet, though to succumb to the thought of not being able to do things and I just so have my heart set on going to ISEA. The theme this year is just perfect for my research and it is really important that I get my work out there and start making a name for myself (though I guess tis probably not the best to do it not covered in baby vomit and in a sleep deprived craze). I also am so keen to see what everyone else in the field is doing as well!

Being on the road now (currently in Mexico – Baha California, where they are under marshall law due to the drugs cartels and murders getting way out of hand) has made me think about taking juggling things and taking on board the experiences of my supervisors. It isn’t a bed of roses travelling long haul and for weeks on end when pregnant, (try waiting in a queue for 2 hrs at the Tijuana/ San Diego border crossing with tiny feet dancing on your bladder!) but at least I am self contained and it is just me, while with a baby, one has become two and I guess I shall have to really has to consider things a little more….

Roadside stalls tout their tat to those in the queue to get back into the US

At the Tijuana border, getting closer to the US border 

Finally I have done my transfer and passed! It has taken so long to get to this stage, and despite my first supervisor saying that I could start on the next stage before my transfer, I was so distracted by the whole process and getting through my transfer I haven’t started making artworks yet. One has to be in the right frame of mind for that type of thing and having a stressful thing like a transfer hanging over one like the sword of Damocles is hardly condusive to making works of art.

The feedback I had was very helpful and is good for making me refine my methodologies more, though I do know that I have been far more rigorous on methodology that other art phd’s who have not been questioned at all on their unclear methodologies – * sigh * c’est la vie - at least it will prepare me well for my final viva in a couple of years time.

In terms of my supervision, it was decided that since my phd is going down a rather fine art route, my first supervisor was probably not as appropriate as other staff may be. She has been good in terms of her experience in supervising phd’s and for making sure that I am properly backing myself up with evidence, but I agree that her subject area has less cross over with my research than it did at the beginning of my phd. One of the examiners on the transfer panel offered to take her place as he is very interested in my work, and so I happy for that to happen, though I did say that I would still like to be able to tap into my now ex-first supervisor as an advisor and she was happy with this.

The positive feedback I got was that my transfer document was well written and interesting (yay! – I have read so many boring ones!). The head of postgraduate studies even asked if she could use it as an exemplar for other students. I told her yes as long as it wasn’t going to be a bad example given that it is 3 times the length it is supposed to be! Oh the irony… it is going to be used as a good example despite its horror length!

It feels good to get it out of the way, and all I want to do now is start of making works, but I can’t… I have family obligations in Mexico and Australia which means I have taken 5 weeks leave to attend to those, and will be back on the 25th of April when hopefully I shall have a good chunk of uninterrupted time to clear my head and start developing my artworks properly. I am hoping that I can still do some work on my phd whilst I am travelling, but past experience has shown this can be hard, especially when I have been away from my close family now for 18 months this stint, (9 years in total) so there is a fair bit to catch up on.